is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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