My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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