Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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