Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
