fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
