new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my phone needs a breathalizer
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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