i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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