nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My ass is underappreciated
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
