Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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