yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
