Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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