the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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