watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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