low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
