Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
