I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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