somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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