I can tuck mytits in my pants
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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