I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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