What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
