Your dad touched me again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
