According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
