this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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