I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
