youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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