another moral hangover. fuck.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What a dumb baby whore.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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