My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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