Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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