There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
