so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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