There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
