Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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