People with herpes should wear stickers.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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