Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
