3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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