I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
