no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
