Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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