Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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