I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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