What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
