I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
