Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
