Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
