just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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