I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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