Who wears a wallet chain?!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
