4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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