I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize