I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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