FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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