woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
