Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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