i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
