just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize