6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
