oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
