I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
