Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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