Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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