I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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